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It’s important for us to pay attention to our emotions. Naturally, we have less difficulty with the so-called positive emotions. People don’t mind feeling joy and happiness.

Fear, grief, and despair are uncomfortable. In our culture, we call them “negative” and think of them as “bad.” But these emotions are an inevitable part of the human experience – a rich, fertile, dark soil from which something unexpected can bloom. They bring us important information about ourselves and the world and can be vehicles of profound transformation.

If we try to escape from a hard grief, we may experience a general numbness. It is difficult to live a full life if we haven’t grieved our losses.

Adapted from an interview with Miriam Greenspan by Barbara Platek.

Learn more about TRU Community Care Grief Services.

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Guilt can be a very powerful and isolating emotion, causing family and friends to withdraw from you for fear of saying the wrong thing. If you are feeling guilty about something, even if there is no basis for your guilt, you may be inclined to keep it to yourself, never verbalizing what you are thinking.

The possibilities for feeling guilty or regretful are infinite. Regret often gets confused with guilt, which makes dealing with it difficult. It may help to clarify in your own mind which it is you are experiencing.

Regrets are the things you wish you had done or said before your loved one died. Guilt, on the other hand, is what you feel when you believe you have done something wrong.

If you can’t seem to resolve your guilt feelings or regrets on your own, you might ask a trusted friend or relative to help you talk them out. Or, if you’d rather not share in this way, you may want to find a counselor or religious advisor who can help you.

Be assured that you can get relief from these powerful feelings and even experience emotional growth.

Adapted from The Mourning Handbook by Helen Fitzgerald

Learn more about TRU Community Care Grief Services.

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As your grief process unfolds, you may learn things about yourself that you never knew before.

Know that it is okay to be angry. You are entitled to your anger and it is important to find ways to deal with it constructively.

You may choose to expend it physically by walking, running, or exercising. You may, instead, cry it out, talk it out, write about it, meditate, or pray.
In this journey of growth and courage, fear too needs to be recognized and acknowledged.

As you confront your fears, you may discover hidden strengths and resources within yourself.

Guilt is a difficult emotion. By giving guilt its full expression, you may come to understand its meaning and its place.

Learn more about TRU Community Care Grief Services.

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While the majority of people naturally associate sadness or depression with grief, other very common emotions evoked by the grief response are anger, fear, and guilt.

Anger, a very potent emotion, is always present during the time of grief but may not always be recognized. Anger can take on many forms and present itself in a variety of ways, from irritability to fist-pounding rage. It’s not uncommon for the bereaved to deny their anger or, for that matter, to be completely unaware of it.

In times of deep sorrow and grief, fear is an emotion not often discussed. Fear may manifest itself as mild anxiety or sheer terror. A spouse may feel fear about being alone or lonely. A parent may fear that she’ll never recover from the death of a child, or a child may fear the loss of the other parent, too.

Guilt, like anger and fear, is neither good nor bad. It simply is. Guilt can’t be stuffed down without future consequences. It needs to be acknowledged and experienced.

While feelings of anger, fear, and guilt are often difficult to deal with, it is only by allowing these feelings, in all their dimensions, that freedom to heal and be whole again finally arrives.

Learn more about TRU Community Care Grief Services

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